A NotSoPeaceful Dutchman Christmas
by iAnna-n-Gypsy
Summary: An iAnna oneshot with our beloved and stupid friends, the Dutchman Crew. What happens when the idiots try to celebrate Christmas? Read and find out! Stupidness, idiotic singing, emoness, you get the idea.


AnaMaria: Well, here it is. a day late, but I hope you'll forgive me.

Gypsy: Yeah... IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, ANNA!

AnaMaria: Hey! My brother is a hobo, and I was really really busy yesterday!!

Gypsy: Yeah... playing with your new Wii!

AnaMaria: And hanging out with family! And opening presents!

Gypsy: Blah, blah blah! (to readers) All that matters is that it's up... Enjoy, readers!

* * *

A Dutchman Christmas

((The Dutchman Crew is having a peaceful Christmas Eve. Jimmylegs and Piper are tuning Christmas Carols on the radio. There is a giant tree on the bow of the ship and Palifico and Koleniko are decorating it.))

Jimmylegs: (Calmly) You know, this is the one time of year where I'm actually at peace.

Hadras: (pops up out of nowhere covered in a string of Christmas lights; begins singing) Light light light light! Light light light light! Light light light light! Light light light light! Light light light light light liiiiiiiight. LIGHT!

Jimmylegs: Was._ Was _at peace. (pulls out pistol and points at Hadras's head) Bye bye annoyance!

Piper: (grabs Jimmy's arm) No. No, Jim. Not on Christmas, dude.

Hadras: Yeah, Bo 'sun! It's too much of a happy celebration to die! (Begins marching in place) Light light light light-

Jimmy: Screw the Christmas cheer! (fires gun; Hadras begins marchign forward and bullet passes him)

Maccus: (comes up from hold-door in deck) Hey, crew! Merry Christmas! (Bullet shoots into the side of his head; Eyes roll in back of his head and he falls back below deck)

Palifico: He comes up saying Merry Christmas and being _nice_, and you shoot him in the head. Nice Jim, nice…

(Hadras is marching around doing absolutely nothing)

Piper: Geez, what's Captain gonna say about that?

Jimmy: He'll probably want to break out the "Maccus finally died" Jelly doughnut.

Davy: (cabin door flies open) Who-said-doughnut?!

Nicole: (pops out of Davy's beard) MAAAACCY!!!

Davy: (Looks down in shock) Where did you come from?!

Nicole: (jumps out of Davy's beard with a long tentacle tied to her ankle) WHEE! It's a

bungee cord!

Davy: No no no! I wouldn't want you jumping out of me if it were attached to my _umbilical_ cord!

Crew: Eww…

Hadras: (pokes head up out of basket at Koleniko's feet. Top flies off of basket.) What's an umbilical cord?

Koleniko: It's something that sissy women have… like Captain!

Nicole: I must _fly_! (kicks off from Davy's chest and dives into deck door to below deck.)

Jimmy: (staring ahead) What she doing?

(Nicole retracts from below deck, dragging a limp Maccus)

Davy: Oh! You better not… (Nicole and Maccus get sulked back into Davy's beard) What!? (looks down) Get them out! Get them out! I know this girl and I know my crew! GET. THEM. OOOOOUT!!!! (frantically starts groping and clawing at beard) OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OOOOOUT!

Palifico: Captain, I'm sure that you'll be-

Davy: OOOOUT!!! (grabs scissors out of nowhere)

Jimmy: What he doing? (blanks out as Davy begins cutting off his tentacles one by one, enunciating the word "Out" with each one)

Koleniko: (now reading a newspaper and not really caring) Oh, look guys, half-off at sushi palace. Wanna go there for dinner?

Palifico: Sure. Or, we could just eat these little wriggling things on the ground. What are these? (picks one up; inspects it) Oh yeah… _CALAMARI_!!! (throws one at Koleniko, who just then decided to put down the newspaper. The tentacle hits him in the face and begins sliding down.)

Koleniko: (gives Palifico a death glare, then pries the tentacle off of his face and throws it at a now distracted Palifico)

Palifico: Oh, so it's _war_ then, is it? Fine. (Nanoseconds later, both Koleniko and Palifico are dressed in full-body cameo. Face paint and everything.)

Koleniko: AAAAAH!!!

Palifico: HOOONOOOOR!!!

(Both of them begin madly throwing tentacles at each other.)

Jimmy: (walks back to the radio, everything going on behind him.) So much for my _peaceful_ Christmas. And this all started…with Hadras.

Hadras: (pops up) What about me? (looks down at body still covered in lights. Throws hands in air.) LIIIIIIGHT!

Jimmy: (glares) Hadras, two words… Shut. Up.

Hadras: (ignores Jimmy) Light light light light! Light light light light!

(Jimmy sights and cranks up the radio. Jingle bombs from the "Jeff Dunham: A Very Special Christmas Special" is playing)

Jimmy: Give _me_ a bomb, Achmed! Don't be a hog! (looks over at Christmas tree)

(Palifico and Koleniko are sobbing and clinging to each other's shoulders. They still have sushi plastered to their bodies)

Palifico: I'm- I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! It's just that you didn't care about Captain or Christmas, and- and it just got to me!

Koleniko: Neither did you! (wipes away tear) I'm sorry… I love you, dude!

Jimmy: Hey, Hadras? I think I've got a variation of your song.

Hadras: (clasps hands) Really?!

Jimmy: Yup! This is a shout-out to Koleniko and Palifico… (starts marching in place and singing) Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!! Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!! Gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay!

Hadras and Jimmy: (link arms around each other's shoulders whilst marching) GAAAAAAY!

Clanker: (From below) Hey! Shut the hell up! I'm sleepin'!

Hadras: You shut up!

Jimmy: (mumbles to self) Merry Christmas, Dutchman Crew… merry Christmas…

(All this other random stuff continues going on.)

Davy: (in response to Jimmy's comment, crosses arms across chest) Bah humbug!

(Maccus, now alive, and Nicole appear on either side of Davy)

Maccus and Nicole: BOO! (grin at Davy's girly shrieks of fright)

Nicole: Yup, Niko! He's a lady!

(Everybody laughs; Anna and Gypsy appear in front of everything.)

Both: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! Or night_mare_! For where there's a will, we _will_ find you!

Will: (runs across screen) I AM IN HIDING!!!

Anna: What the hell?

Gypsy: (throws hands in air) Don't look at me!

Anna: Point is…

Anna: Merry Christmas.

Gypsy: Happy Hanukkah.

Anna: Happy Kwanzaa.

Anna and Gypsy: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

(Stay tuned for an iAnna Christmas!)

* * *

Anna: See? I did a good job, didn't I?

Gypsy: We.

Anna: Wii?! Where! (runs off)

Gypsy: NO! NOT WII! _WE!_ AS IN, _WE_ DID A GOOD JOB!!! (runs after her, stops and turns to readers) Hasta la bye bye!


End file.
